Inner view

Being home forced from recovery after a surgery which was not expected I am facing one the hardest moments of my life where I am absolutely alone with myself, dealing with a painful arm on a daily basis , figuring out how to let pass the day , and tomorrow and the tomorrow after tomorrow .

Weather is impossibly hot , dredging all the energies . The only place when I feel comfort is home , I force myself to keep motivated , went back to train , doing work out at home to back on track with my body , busy with a mandatory physio to achieve a complete ability to use my arm again .

It is challenging period, characterized by continuous up and down , overthinking on what to take next , cause I am absolutely unsatisfied on a professional level , money troubles always stress me more than the due .

You know at the end I want only have a life to love , do things that made me happy nothing more nothing less , it is just human desire simple as that , my love is photography , writing and traveling and every day I simply witness I just do not do it what most I love , what most set me on fire . And this causes me a tremendous mental struggle inside querying , what to do ? how to make the change ? what step ¡take next ? it is sooo incredible difficult each time do my way all by myself and without no coverage of money .

Time is a factor I have in abundance momentarily and sometimes you know I just do not give a shit about that I am just lazy and demotivated laying down on a sofa hanging on for the day , the real happiness is when I can react and made out my day , is when I feel I reach the happiness to be happy by accepting what I have and keep hardly working to make my dream reality touchable and everyday life

Resilience is my diary bread , resilience in accepting events , circumstances of which I had no control

I cannot think that broken shoulder just happens , it was an alarm to something bigger than I can still figure it out what is about , I can certainly feel , lad gone , sister gone I can only count on me and just few friends

I often feel trapped from my never ending loneliness, I reached a stage in my life that I think this trap gonna be the real weapon of my successful future life

I neglected this blog for such a long time , time to get back and retrieve memoire I left behind .

love writing , love thinking 🤔

to be continued …. tomorrow is just another challenging day

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